Bravery

Hey Anny, 

My brain needs a lot of work to be able to focus on something. I should be focusing on school and work, but I am still trying to create some structure and find my way back to my motivation. Which means I craft to find a balance and work out what happened though a week. I could be journaling, but writing and reading for myself doesn't work if I am exhausted. Working with my hands to create some sort of art helps me reflect. 

I joined a challenge with the prompt brave(ry). I wasn't going to join any for a bit, but I really like this challenge for activating my synapses and creativity. So much went through my head, I decided to focus on something that is very important to me at the moment: Mental Health. 

According to the Oxford Dictionary, the noun brave is described as: "(of a person) willing to do things that are difficult, dangerous or painful; not afraid." I agree, up until the semicolon. I think most people who are brave are conscious of their fear. Being afraid is not a bad thing, it is a signal that tells you something could go or be wrong. However it can also be a learned behaviour (the little Albert experiment).

Anyway, mental health a bravery. If you are not well, mentally, and you have taken a step for help. You are brave. Accepting and looking for help makes you brave. Unconsciously, society might have taught you something harmful. In my last therapy session I talked about how I said no to something, because I was exhausted. The person across me did not accept my answer or respect the boundary I put out; tried to guilt and shame me in to doing their request. I was questioning and wondering why I had to make somebody else happy just to end up being uncomfortable and unhappy. Choosing for yourself is brave. (Also I have been doing a fuck ton of exposure... I am exhausted!)

Back to the work, for the piece I made I wanted to use the napkins I bought at Sostrene Grene a few weeks back. Can you believe these gorgeous pink flowers, anemones I am guessing, are a napkin design. The first idea was a black background (the unhealthy and harmful things in life) with a girl surrounded by these bloomed flowers (the growth through being brave) and a golden halo around her. 

Of course it turned out to be something completely different as soon as I started to work on it. While I was working I remembered Kintsungi (repairing broken pottery with gold, embracing the flaws and broken pieces). So half of the girls face looks broken and is fixed with a gold. Then I felt like adding another layer with modeling paste... 

How did it end up? Completely different than the ideas because I work intuitively when I start. Even if I made a sketch before I started, it will end different. Afterwards I try to analyze why I did certain things.. 

Well as you can see the girl is still surrounded by flowers, but the background is black and silver rectangles/ squares and white lines through it. If you move the canvas, or you move around the canvas you'll see a a design, a geometric lion. This is what I figured out when I was finished with it (or reflected as a mental health professional will tell you):

- When I use flowers (or trees) it usually means time and growth. Flowers grow in their own time, then die, to grow again when it is time. (Also we use flowers, colours, shapes as symbols and give them meaning. Let's not talk about time.)
- The squares/ rectangles are the stereotypes created in societies. The black ones are what is expected and harmful. The golden ones are the ones I have looked through, decided to change it. The white lines are unexpected changes.
- The girl has brown hair and eyes... obviously. I messed up the hair a bit, but could not be bothered to fix it. Plus, nobody will know. Half her face has golden scars. Kinstungi. Inner and emotional scars don't show in somebody's face.
- Lion. Well I needed something extra and my brain reminded me we use lion's as a symbol for bravery. I put the lion a bit higher than her face. I wondered why, then realized, to be brave one must rise above themselves. 

That said, I am very happy with this piece, but the original idea and small part of the idea I'd like to see separately. Maybe I'll make them at one point when I have time. (Or somebody who read this will make it and I can enjoy it ;) 

Oh also! Check if your paint is dried before adding another thing on top of it. It looks a bit messy because I did not wait till the white lines were dry before adding the modeling paste. All the other parts were dried before I did anything... 

The end result: 

Used materials: transparent gesso, matte medium, napkin, gold metalic paint, I love art acrylic paints (100, 200, 240, 320, 620, 630, 670, 800),stencil, transparent modeling paste, paint brushes and palette knife.

Love, ST